How I lost my savings & sanity due to compulsive shopping addiction
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Shopping wasn't my problem. It was the language I used to cope with everything else.
Every purchase promised relief. Reinvention. Confidence. Control. For a fleeting moment, it delivered. Then the feeling disappeared, leaving me convinced the next purchase would finally be the one.
From the outside, I'd made it: editor, blogger, personal shopper, industry insider. For more than twenty years, I built a career inside a retail world that sold aspiration while quietly becoming addicted to it myself.
My closet was overflowing. Confidence was always out of stock.
At My Limit is the unfiltered story of compulsive shopping, overwhelming debt, and the impossible pursuit of self-worth through things that could never deliver it. It's a memoir about one of society's most overlooked addictions, hidden in plain sight behind the masks we wear to convince ourselves, and everyone else, that we're okay, and what it takes to finally stop looking for our value at the bottom of another shopping bag.
This isn't just a story about shopping. It's about self-worth colliding with a digital economy built to keep us buying.
Because the most expensive thing I ever bought wasn't in my closet. It was the belief that I needed more to be enough.
has ever felt the rush of a new purchase and the regret that comes after.
are tired of the cycle of spending, shame, and starting over.
ready to reclaim their money, their confidence, and their life.
Secrecy. Mounting debt. Emotional distress.
An addiction few people take seriously.
Almost anything can be purchased with a single click. At My Limit asks readers to consider what convenience may be concealing.
From Part One: Oniomania, A Love Story
An excerpt from At My Limit.
My name is Dara, and I'm a recovering serial shopper. Semi-recovering. There's a difference.
Not recovered.
Not cured.
In addict-speak, recovering. Still, I want to buy everything. Shopping occupies my mind more than food, dark chocolate being the singular exception. There are days when I sit refreshing online carts filled with Miron Crosby cowboy boots I don't need and can't afford. My brain works in retail math, constantly: This L'Agence leather jacket is $1,500. If I wear it for ten years, it's only $150! What a steal! I'd be crazy not to buy it.
Shopaholism has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. And apparently, it's not a personality flaw. It's a true, serious, and recognized disorder called oniomania. The more modern clinical term: compulsive buying disorder.
For those wondering, the word oniomania is derived from the Greek root onos (purchase) and mania (madness). Coincidentally, in ancient Greek, onos also means donkey or ass. Or, as I like to call it: jackass, which happens to be a fairly accurate description of my lifelong predicament.
I've been officially diagnosed with oniomania, and I'm trying to do the work: therapy, support groups (in person and virtual), psychiatrists, and OCD prescription meds. Unfortunately, we now live in a world where modern technology has amped up my addiction to explosive new heights.
Buy Now, Pay Later (BNPL) didn't just introduce a new debt trap. It weaponized my addiction and made recovery that much harder. The trap is ongoing. It's a constant seesaw of emotions and dopamine spikes, convincing me that paying later means I'll somehow be in a better financial position. I never am. And when the plans stack up (because I never stop at one), there's a tsunami impact on not just my wallet, but my mental health, too.
BNPL is just one temptation. There are many other secret ways I hide my actions, because secrecy is addiction's most loyal accomplice. I'm recovering in the most honest way I can. For everyone who knows the exact moment your package arrives, and exactly how fast you need to hide it, stick with me.
Praise for At My Limit.
"A wonderfully honest and refreshing look at something we can never talk enough about: shopping as addiction. Like alcohol, it is easy to hide, even easier to justify but can lead to dire consequences. This is a book about self-awareness and pushing through to what really matters."
Stacy Londonstylist and TV personality, co-host of What Not to Wear and Why'd They Wear THAT?"A dark, riveting journey into shopping and fashion addiction: the poison of modern marketing, the crushing weight of debt, and the hard truth that the Gucci bag is never the answer."
Paco Underhillauthor of Why We Buy: The Science of Shopping"Dara Fleischer knows firsthand how important it is to find other people who understand your experiences, especially when they feel unique or shameful. Her book is a gift to anyone who's struggled alone and in silence with their shopping."
Carla Sosenkojournalist and author of I'll Look So Hot in a Coffin"Compulsive shopping is one of the most socially acceptable addictions, and one of the least talked about. In a culture built on clicks, carts, and comparison, many women are quietly struggling while looking perfectly "put together." This memoir names what so many experience but rarely admit."
Hannah Blassfounder of The Shopping Shift"Powerful and deeply compassionate, At My Limit transforms shopaholic shame into hope and understanding, one brutally honest chapter at a time."
CanReads Book Review"At My Limit is so much more than a memoir about compulsive shopping. It's a brave, deeply honest look at the emotional weight we carry and the ways we search for worth in all the wrong places. Dara's vulnerability, wit, and willingness to tell the truth make this a powerful story of addiction, self-awareness, and hope."
Alison Lumbatisfounder of Outfit Formulas"A funny yet brutally honest memoir about the addiction nobody takes seriously, until it nearly costs you everything. Raw, witty, and generous, At My Limit will make you feel seen, understood, and a little less alone on your recovery journey."
Paige Pritchardfounder of Overcoming Overspending"It's time to wake up to the addiction happening in plain sight. Dara bravely highlights the struggle millions face with compulsive buying, as they seek hope, peace, and lasting change."
Carrie Rattlefinancial therapist, author of To Buy or Not to Buy"It strips away the punchlines of "retail therapy" to expose the real, human cost of shopping addiction. This book is a lifeline for anyone secretly drowning in delivery boxes and shame."
Jennifer Rosenbergfounder of Jennifer Reed Designs"Funny, vulnerable, and unflinching in a way only someone who's actually lived it could write. This book is proof that the story doesn't have to end in shame."
Dawna Kobyco-founder, REDGEM JewelryFor everyone who's ever said, "This is the last one." And meant it. Then didn't.
I see you. I was you.
If this reaches just one person, my life's work is well spent.